karma

Sometimes, i think i'm more into karma then actually believing in a religon, karma just kinda makes more 'sense', lol don't it? Or these two are actually linked in some manner that still eludes me?
Niway, i was just thinking about death, 'being reminded of one's mortality makes you appreciate life so much more', how amazing humans are, being able to draw strength from their departure. Humans are funny creatures sometimes, we seek the easy way out, evrything that we do, we look for the easiest solution. Grab a good hold of life, grab a good hold of time, enjoy, appreciate, then nothing truely matters anymore. Heck, what is death anyway?
Motto for the day,
'think less, do more, listen to your sub conscious'
Spent the afternoon in the library today, kinda did nothing, only thing i remembered doing today was having a break that included a sushi, 1/4 of a muffin which jielin insist we share(houston, jiawei and me). Sometimes, i really think she is one of the guys, maybe girls with bf are like that, lol.
Found a good book in the library though, should keep me engaged throughout the night and tomolo though. I luv it. =) Btw, its a histo book, lol.
Chill.

Back

Yipee i'm back from a 2 day break from blogging.
Life is afterall about the moments to live for lol, the rest of the time, it doesn't really matter--just keep mugging, lol.
What i have been up to; microwaving nachos with cheese, <---new found food source,cleaning my belly button, mugging, reading Michael Cricthon's State of Fear and pretty much day dreaming too...
Pretty much peaceful and quiet in Ihouse these few days, think all the noisy pp have gone holidaying, lol. =P
Liking it.

Daylight saving

The clock rewound itself today, i gained one hour! How cool that is, if only it was real time...
Imagine what i would/could have done if time could be rewound, just 1h, just once. I would ask the person i never dared to ask out, i would smash up the entire place, i would hurl vulgarities at anyone i meet, i would tell everyone what i truely feel about them, i would... It's amazing, how much we hide within ourselves, the extent we control our other self.
Din do much today, going back to the books kinda made me sappy again, i was suddenly staring at this huge mass of information and didn't know where to start. Hopefully, the worse is over now that i've started the ball rolling.
Something from xin yuan which i find to be quite true, close your eyes, "see" another person with just your mind and your heart, 'see' yourself as who you truely are, 'see'through the darkness and hear nothing but your own heartbeat....
It's nice to meditate once in a while.
^_^

Interesting facts

There was this day, i was on the train, and 2 ang moh girls were sitting opposite me. First, they were bitching about the people around them, who they can't stand blah blah, then to my amusement they started talking about bikinis. I was sitting barely a feet away, and the 2 of them started talking graphically about which parts you have to wax and all that. To my horror, they started drawing it out. I promptly 'went to sleep' , but still couldn't miss catching some details.
Really wish i was staying in some apartment elsewhere. At least i can cook, china food for myself. Really feel like having some soup on a cold night, can just throw in the vege-s, mushrooms, carrots.....arrghhh!!!!!!!! Dang! Now, the chinese food i see are beckoning at me from behind the counter in the shop. Sigh, the temptation eh, words...fail me.
I realise i am having these 10-dollar sandwiches which i pack myself evreyday for lunch. Doesn't help that i can never make it back for a hot lunch. Sigh, the wonderful food i could have gotten for the 10 dollar, instead of staring at the cold layers of ham, salty cheese, lettuce and god-knows-wad-i-put-in-my-semi-awake-state- in-the-morning everyday for lunch. SOmetimes, i feeling like crying out loud eating away at the miserable slices of bread.
Arghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
Food, where are you? Sigh, eating good food is one of the greater enjoyement in life. Really feel for the people who go on diets or are vegans, they dun know what they are depriving themselves of.
In the meantime, i should have to settle for second best -- sleep, so as to forget my hunger-derived madness.

Gossip

Haha had a pleasant chat on msn this afternoon, caught a few episodes of happy tree friends and pretty much is finshed with my room. Cheeyong is such a nice gossiper, he feeds information to you as though he can read your mind.
Talking with him has also made me wondered how all the pp i've lost contact with are doing...pp from sec sch, jc, it's been really a long long while since i've met any of them, really curious as to how they are doing atm.
1 week of hols to go, can't wait for school to start, lol.
Sometimes, i think life is about wanting what you cannot/don't have.
I have a weak will, lol, the only way to overcome temptation,afterall, is to give in.....

Shallow water

Halfway through cleaning my room, ploughing through the mess, i came across lots of stuff i never knew existed, articles i've never read and food that have rot. Eew. Never much of a cleaniness freak, too much of laziness and slopiness though.
Was just thinking how shallow lots of things can be, friendship, people even myself. Sometimes i wonder, how often do people show their true self? Reveal their essence? Somehow, the army has made me recognize and accept the "messy-ness" part of me, it's manifesting itself now. I see my room as my 'bunk', to me, its just not home. Maybe it's because lala is not here to grace my room....
Being shallow/superficial is fun, heck, it's probably even enjoyable most of the time. Being fake is interesting, sometimes we lose ourselves so much we become something else we make believe ourself to be. Am i really the nice/friendly person i make myself out to be? Do i really enjoy the the trip to the zoo? One may argue that some of these are necessary lifeskills, basic human interaction skills, but do we necessary have hold on to this shell we've created around ourselves?
Life is fun, you reflect and you learn, you grow and you mature. Who knows what the future holds for each of us right? For now, i look forward to meeting all of my friends again, in the months, years to come, be it a chance meeting or a arranged trip. Who knows how we would have changed then?
Back to cleaning up.........
=/

Lol

I have the amazing ability of being able to tear during a sad movie if i will myself to. It's amazing, if i attempt to put myself in the actors/actress predicament, i can tear freely enough. This is especially true if the lead actress is one of my personal favourites, eg, in the cecelia cheung or jeon ji hyun category. Had some "practice" watching xin yuan today, well this is how my life is atm, lol.
Anyway, gotta start on Operation Clean up room tommorrow, it's about due time the rubbish make their way out of the room. It's getting just a little dirty in here, lol, and things are getting a tat harder to find.
Last day of my non study break tomorrow too, shall attempt to finsh up this story book i've been reading. Can't wait for monday to come though, lol. I have plans to read up alot in advance, sure hope they work out.
=P

Some random thoughts...

Sometimes, i think all the good things u do will accumulate, and things will go right one day, and all the shit u do, they'll pile up too and hit u hard eventually. That's why i can't live with a guilty conscience, or even try to do anything that i can't get over.

Staring at my one week break ahead of me, i realise there are alot of things i miss, things from another part of my life seemingly. Things like retiring to my comp for a whole day in the realm of warcraft, looking forward to movies opening every thursday, the thrill of discovering a new album in the cd shop, having a different kind of carefree life.

I feel like i have walked down another path, one that leads away from my friends and family, a path that is more obscure than the one i usually take, one that i am unable to judge. Essentially, i hope i'll still be the person my friends know me for, altered definetely, but not in spirit, essence and soul. =)

Change, such an interesting thing, who determines whether it is for the better or the worse, the people around me? Or am i the only person fit to judge myself? The answer will have to come from within ultimately, but how much will it be influenced by people around me?

Do we think and feel? Or do we feel and think? Why is it sometimes, we really DO FEEL with our heart? The brain send impulses there? Or is it just due to an overworked imagination?

Sometimes, i can't help but thik that the army has indeed made me a better person. It was nothing in particular that i did, rather it was the 2 years of your life that u spend doing nothing worthwhile and having all the time to observe other people life and really sitting down and thinking about your own life. It's about the maturity in thinking, not only about oneself but for others. Some people are immensely immature in this sense. And the army makes one more down to earth, 2 feets on the ground and much more clearer about my goals in life.

Talking to a singaporean guy who has gone through ns is so much different from the people from other countries, maybe its not the nationality but age, but i generally feel a generation gap, a vast difference in our placement of prioities even though we are all university students. I am not condemning people here, just that it feels weird when you can't really relate with them, maybe i've had my share of fun over the past 2 years? That's y i dun really feel the need for any entertainment and it's not really bothering me?

Right now? What i am enjoying is the peace of mind, the studying and the freedom. It is something that the girls and the non-singaporeans will never ever truely feel...

I feel old, despite my age...Lol..

Drawing strength...

It's amazing how man are made individuals without the obvious strength and obstinality to be able to live alone, physically or emotionally. All our lives we seek friends, partners to share our lives, our emotions, our troubles our joy with. Our lives are so intrincally weaved into others' lives, our desire of love can be so strong, the urge to find your other half.........
No man is an island, how true, how true. Whatever we do, there is always the thought that someone out there is looking, seldom is it that we do things without the consideration of the people around you. It could even be sub conscious, eg. By dressing nice, looking presentable...you are sub consciously trying to not create a unfavourable impression of yourself. We seek comfort in friends, we share our troubles, our concerns and our joy with people with know. Sometimes, i see people as souls, whenver something happens, links will form between our souls and we'll deal with it together. Ultimately, our lives evolve around people.
Done with my 2 cents worth on preaching, back to the more mundane stuff. Was on my way to the city on the tram yesterday. We were passing by the university when there was a loud bam sound. The tram had collided with a car, removing its side mirror. We were finally able to press on after some delay. Less than 5 minutes into the joourney, there was another collision. This time, a huge truck has made its way into the front door of the tram. AFter much chaos on the tram, we finally got the tram driver to open the door and let us out, leaving behind the crashed vehicles and the rest of the traffic. Talk about accidents.
Never shop for groceries on a empty stomach. Everything looks nice and you can't stop grabbing stuff off the shelves. Somehow, i even brought a loaf of bread and some canned tunas, along with the usual array of snacks and fruits.
Back in my room, i was thinking one day break from studying was more than enough, i can't actually wait to get back. Will be forcing myself to not study over this weekend though, and read some story books, watch re runs of the vcds i brought and go back on full throttle during next week break.
I can't help it, I'm a freak, I like studying.
Some things that gotta be done over the weekend(hopefully), clean up my room, do some exercise. =)
Might be staying up late, hopefully can catch some of you guys on msn.

WHY?

Got the simplest of mcq question wrong. IT goes like this:
Which of the following is not a trace element found in body.
1.copper
2.chromium
3.tin
4.iron
5.zinc

I went like wah all found in body leh, my memory must be failing me..so i went by process of elimintaion, with those i know our bpdy needs crossed out. In the end, i settled for tin, brain-washed myself i must have been mistaken about seeing tin in the list. End of paper, i asked jielin eh which one isn't a trace element eh? She went eh iron lor, blood so many iron, how to be trace element?
WTF!
After i handed up my paper, i promptly went to bang my head on the wall. I really did it.

Guess it was really nice sitting for a test though, i missed it, i do. The adrenaline rush during the test, the hype and anxiousness before the test, the exasperation with oneself after the test.... I miss it.
Tests are enjoyable, as long as u studied and know u tried your best, its just like life, as long as you can face your own conscience, knowing you did what you could have done and all that, you have no worries or stress. (ok lah minimal).
First test only, i keep telling myself, plenty of time to climb the mountain.
Hadthis intesresting tut yesterday, about some person being a vegan. i think animal rights has to stop at animal abuse. Some of the pro-vegan pts she brought up were how sad it was to be raised to get slaughtered for meat, the poor animals dun have a voice and blah blah.
Felt like telling them, face it, your love is one-sided, unrequited, take some time off, go love the plants instead. It might be more rewardful. Lol, face it dudes, meet a hungry beast and it will gobble you up, vegan or not. Our society/world is shaped around animals being fodder, change it and pp die, alot.
Go get a life. Lol.
Looking forward to the one week break, really sounds good, take some time off by myself, do some reading and be at rest, mentally and physically.
Probably going see lots of action here over the couple of days as i calm dowm and think more about some issues.
=0
Meantime...be at rest!

It just keep coming!

Today houston told me that 'she' has done it orally too, and din like it, this is just getting from bad to worse. Lol.
Cold bug currently in circulation, hopefully i'll be able to escape.
Can't remember anything much from today, too tired, must be all the PBL cases and stuff i've been doing related to tired patients and all that.
Zzzz..

OMG

Some interesting things happened today.
First, houston has to tell me his conversation with this cute looking japanese girl on my floor. For your info, he told me she has 'done it' with her previous 3 bf, hundreds of time. Now, whenever i see her, i'll just think of what he told me. That is so cool.
Heard a song from phantom of the opera when i passed by the dining hall
"Say you'll love me for one love one lifetime,
say the words and I will follow you..."
Ah, my favourite musical....at least some people here got good taste in music.
And i should really stop locking myself out of my room, fifth time in 5 weeks, it's not very nice.
Back to studies in the meantime....hopefully...before the zzz monster come
Still been having nightmares, especially ones when i will 'wake up', go downstairs and find people i know become zombies and eating each other. Scary especially when i can visualise the girls i see around IH in my dreams becoming zombies and trying to eat me.
Shudders...

Zzzz

You know it's bad when you see a tennis ball lying on the shelf, then wonder how it got there-
did someone leave it there,
did i unconsciously buy it or
did i pack it with me from singapore.
Truth? It was an orange i brought up from the dining hall...

Unison

Was taking a short break, lying on the bed, counting my heart beats per minute...
Wouldn't it be nice if you could find someone's heart that beats in unison with yours? I know, heart rate changes every now and then, blah blah. But, it would be nice to know if at this moment, is any heart out there beating to the same rhythm as mine?
"lub-thub,lub-thub"
The heart, an amazing organ, sometimes, you'd swear you feel with it, even though it's physiologically not possible.
Well, maybe science can't prove everything...
maybe we DO feel with our heart...
^_^

Very tired.

Zzzz slept only 6 hours.
1.Went to watch people play dota last night, noobs alert.
2.Had a bad dream about zombies eating me, woke up in the middle of the night and trying to shake off them biting me. Not cool.
3.Freaks who made a hell out of clearing their throats in the morning.

The China Night thing was pretty good, not because of the music, but because i rather enjoyed the short skid they put up. And there were 2 good perofrmance, one for beyond's hai kuo tian kong and one for tao zhe's angel(good because an ang moh sang it, and he was really gd).

Hopefully, the tiredness weren't affect my mugging, =/ , still have to do the laundry later, Zzzz.

Random thoughts

Taking a break from studying, having concentration lapses...
I wonder, is it western culture to club so much, or are the people leading sad lives, such that they have to attempt to "lose themselves" in alcohol and loud music every so often. Is normal mundane life so meaningless such that they cannot appreciate the little things that happen around them everyday, is it so bad that they can only find enjoyement in flashing lights, loud music and alcohol? If they cannot wake up feeling that it's a wonderful day, stop and smell the roses, appreciate life as it is, i really feel sad for them.
Clubbing-no interaction with people except for shouting and be seen. Music? Can also go karoke or stay at home and appreciate in comfort. Friends? Can always invite them over and have a nice chat, watch sth on the tv and switch on the radio. Alcohol? Just buy some, if it is needed..... That is, if only u are in a partying/clubbing mode.
Why do people even bother drinking? Life is that bad? Is there a need for chemical stimulants every so often? Maybe they are finding life too short, everything must carry it to the extreme, mugging, playing all that. Lol, never really bought that advice literally, even when it came from some doctors. What is important is appreciating life as it is, whats the point of 'playing' so hard, at the end of the day, will I really be more happy? Will my student life have been more meaningful, if i had managed to 'play hard' and still manage to get good results, i guess to me, it doesn't really mean a thing. Maybe it just me, more easily staisfied, but life...is good as it is....can appreciate just being alive...Ideals, expectations, beliefs and dreams are all it takes to keep me going... Friend and family completes the equation...
"Life is a journey, never a party.
Happiness, fulfilment comes from within, and nothing can change that....
Chew."
Feeling philosophical today, =/

Strange mood

It's strange how the blog makes me feeli like putting down things i have been keeping to myself. Especially when have just woken up and feeli like doing something. It feels good, like untying a knot in your brain, clearing a block vessel in your heart, letting the stone drop into the still pond and watching the ripples form and die away. I like water surfaces, i like dark weather, i'd like to live in a house by the sea. I really wanna see the world, i wanna touch the pyramids, walk along a snow capped mountain range, walk through a forest, to breathe the air in different parts of the world. There is so many things i wanna experience, for now i must mug.
Oh got lost in my fantasies, dreams.... What i had wanted to put down in here was that i had ever liked 2 person in JC, was a long time back, just wanted to surprise all my friends who had never knew, watch the stone drop, and wait for the ripples that are going to form...
=)

Some days

turrn out better than expected.
Today was clinical day, was rushing around in the morning, to iron my shirt, to pack lunch to eat breakfast! Yoghurt bread is fun, the yoghurt keeps dripping out.
Not very fun when i dun really have formal wear, just a simple white shirt and borrowed pants, not to mention my black holey slip-ons that are masquerading as shoes. Niway i gel-ed my hair today, it was too messy, din really like the feeling, yucky yucky glue on my hair.
Clinical placement, observed all but 2 patients in 2 hours. How exciting. Missed the drug problem patient and another who came in for a vaginal examination. Duh. Learned some stuff about the Aussie society and medical practice though through talking with the doctor. First, they accept drug as a existing social sympton, the place i went was actually supplying clean needles for heroin and other drugs, they provide oral substitues for drugs like heroin and all that. And GPs here only prescribe drugs, they don't dispense drugs. It's the pharmeceauticals company that sell the drugs through pharmacies. And the government moderates the price at which they can sell the drugs. Cool. NO more roGue doctors who prescribe bulshit drugs like in singapore.
Niway, back at IH, caught the rehearsal for China Night tomolo, it was so cool hearing Yu Jian, hai kuo tian kong, lol even para para sakura, dun care if the perfomance was karoke standard, heck, nice hearing some familiar music. I was ecstatic. I think tomolo's celebration will be a blast.
Niway i think houston is losing it. He is finding every girl nice , hot .... whatever. He has a huge capacity to love i must say. Sometimes, he worries me. Lol.
Must rest liao, waging minor war with books over this weekend. Hopefully, I will triumph.

Sigh...

Some people are fuked. Seriously.
Today, dinner. For some reason, i was left at the table with plates which were not mine and this trio of australians can just walk away. Nvm, i be nice.
Then, queue up to clear the plates. Some obnoxious guy, i believe one of the malaysians, came up from behind me in the long line, said excuse me, then rushed all the way to the front to clear his few cups.
Guys who have never enteered the army, who are posers, who have no character or whatever, i really kan bu qi. Pui. They are at the bottom of the pile, people who deserve 0 respect.
Sometimes i wonder, why bother making so many hi bye friends, especially when some of them are the fuked type. Not that i am going to change myself to not being nice, but i think i am detecting too much asian hypocrite behaviour. Can't take it, especially after the army....there was no pretence, no hypocritical behaviour. Everyone was genuinly nice, thanks to everyone who has been looking out for me one way or another! Lol, really appreciated u guys. It's good that the few Singaporean guys here, we are all pretty much open with each other, we are genuine about ourself,our goals and all that. No detection of 'fakeness", it's cool.
Not attacking the society here, just those at the bottom pile. If i were in a better mood, i would have felt sorry for them(that's usually), now, i just...
@**&$##$*%&@^$&$*#*@*$&!!!!!

Got clinical attachment tomolo, should be a eye opener and fun. Oh yeah and it is looking like the whole AC rugby team has infiltrated IHouse, the whole world is wearing the awful blue and yellow rugby jumper that looks exactly, exactly like what the AC rugby wears. It feels like i am in a AC rugby team fan club, i mean seriously, when u see the girls putting in on. Lol. I suspect some Acsian link somewhere.

kk gotta go study liao, if not CMI, then i kan bu qi myself, lol.
Be strong.
^_^

The messy room...

Third post for the day, got an inspiration from my messy little room.
Yeah if u read the tag board, you would have read, how can my room be messy when i know almost exactly where everything is and everything is exactly where i placed them? Weird.
Which brings me to another thing, friends are like stuff in your room. They can never be lost. They are just somewhere out there. Friends can be found, but can never be lost. Misplaced maybe, but if i never open my door, i will never lose them, they will always be......with me.
Lol.

I wish...

...that when i have a girlfriend in future, it would be someone i had fallen in love with at first sight.

Gloomy weather...

Pretty dull day today, the cold and dark kind.
When the day starts off with the fire alarm at 7am, u just know it's not going to work out too well.
Pretty much zzz through the whole day, never sleep well = no energy ,
wake up early = -ve energy.
Made a resolution today, shall be more focus and stop bumming around. Think i brought myself down to earth from the clouds, now still abit sore.
Niway something said in the lecture set me thinking, piloerection-the hair stand up when you are cold. Said it was evoultionary. Up till now, i still am not sure about the Darwain theory thing, did we really evolve from the little monkeys? Why only the monkeys evolve and other animals didn't, cats? dogs? If we did, where are the fossils that link monkey to man, so far there are only a odd few bones for the in-betweens. So, maybe god created man afterall. That is a question best left to the idle-minded i guess, end of discussion, lol.
Switched on the air-conditioning in icm tutorial today. It ended up being the HOT air conditioning, and the whole class got cooked. It was so cold outside, and i was sweating like a pig inside the room. One word, dumb.
Pretty much sums up the day, not smooooooooth........................
Too tired to blog much even, zzzz

Haha

Guys grow up, girls grow old.
Hopefully, 1 spyware scan a day keeps the doctor away.
=(

Girls

Are pretty little things on display.
This person told me she wasn't feeling well, then feel 'obliged' to walk her home.... had to leave houston and jiawei behind, who had some other problems of their own whose nature i shall not disclose. Anyway, it's not that i like the person or anything, it was how 'obliged' i felt, it's scary. Maybe it's just me, i find it hard to say no to a girl.
Unky moods should have a 'mugger' mood. Not that i am in one atm, but mugger mode comes once in a while, and they should at least reflect one of the major modes in a student's life.
Niway, my windows firewall is a semi-permeable membrane, i dun understand the term firewall, it's a wall with fire that has huge holes in it? They shouldn't mislead the consumer, i think they gotta have to change the name to windows membrane. Much closer to the truth.
Got firedrill at 7 am tomolo, unearthly hour i tell you. The spirits just going back. And i have classes at 8. Makes no sense.
Niway, i must admit i have been doing ssome stalking. Yes, mild stalking. Nature and target, erm i shall not disclose.
But,
*looks around* ,
*whispers* ,
"Its fun...."
Lol.

What?!

Still reeling in a state of shock from talking to this fellow yr 1 med student. In case you all are wondering why, he is 16!!! OMFG! I still cannot digest the fact yet, it is IMPOSSIBLE! I am so old! And u know what he tells me? He tells me that i look 18 so it's ok.
"............................"
The kids these days.
Niway here are some interesting beliefs, that we should not starve ourselves cause it makes us fatter after that. That we should ingest food about every 4-5h cos the stomach would have digested all the food we ate. If u fast, the system will react more strongly after that.
And why is the world so complicated. First there is internet. Then i need a firewall. Then the firewall leak stuff. Then there are viruses, spyware, adwares. Then i need to download antivirus, spyware adware remover. Then i run them and my computer crash. Then i run them again. Then the firewall program i download cannot run. Then I on internet again, cycle repeats.
Arggh!!!!!!!!!!
Shit does happen. Big time.
So hot these few days, and i am not liking it. Zzzzzzzzzzz.
Frustrating eh these few days, even dinner was bad today, dry meat pattie which they claim was beef.... I feel like squashing the meat pattie to eh....liquid? Ta ma de give me bad food when i am hungry.
Going sleep, hopefully, tomolo will be a nicer day.
=/

Quality

Nothing much happened today, but still can blog.
Guess this is settled life, where time just kinda flies by and you dun realised. School life.......ah...
Really think Stefanie Sun has a wondorous voice, it's memsmerizing, it's beatiful. Pity i never got to tell her sister that personally, lol.
Intersting numbers,
No. of logins i have to do a day:10 minimum
No. of songs i listen to a day : 10 average
No. of chio bus i see a day : 10 minimum
No of times the internet frustrates me a day: Abt 10
Lol, had a tiring and boring meeting at IH, pardon me for the low quality stuff i am posting up.
Life is really all about quality and not quantity.
I can have all the time studying or going out with my friends, but if there's no quality, there's no point in the end.
Just take this away for today, everything's about quality.
Nitez.

Bad dreams

Dreamed that i drank too much from the tap and then all the little particles and bacteria started to accumulate in my body. And then the symptons started manifesting and my organs started deteoriating and i started suffering badly...
Eeuuuuw.....pain...

Fireworks galore...

Went for some festival thingy at yarra river, hightlight was no doubt the fireworks. Was pretty nice, though can't compare to NDP, finale was beautiful, and it was interesting to actually be able to catch the source of the fireworks. Else the carnival was abit of a eye-opener, hardly use to go for these kind of stuff in Singapore.
Why do i always end up watching fireworks with guys. Strike 2 liao, one more and i am out. Lol.
Not sure what the internet here is up to atm, this thing has a mind of its own. Incessant pop ups and weird programs making there way into my comp for no reason. Did a virus scan, came up with a positive 52, kinda worrying, having preoblems removing them atm. Whenever i see a pop up, i so wanna smash the screen.... F#*k man wads their problem anyway...
Niway, gotta sleep.
Tata for now.

I miss...

The smell of lala in my face......
The sleepy look "she" gives me any time of the day...
'Her' presence in my room....

I'm sure 'she' missses me too...lol...

All's well that end well

Lol, i have allowed myself to be left heads over heel by someone. It's just a start, but we'll see. Not say change then change one, taking it slow. Lol, again.
Got another nice analogy, the engine's started, but the clutch is not enaged. =)
But there's a rough idea of the destination , go there do what....haven't decided.... that kinda sums thing up.
Niway, today was a fine day, weather was good(warm) and lectures were relaxed. Or maybe i was the one that was relaxed. It's nice letting things off in blogs, makes u feel more clear headed. No one better to admit something to than one ownself. That's what blogger does for me.
Niway, embracing my feelings, thats wad i been trying to express. Finally got it after talking to zw. Been slacking alot on msn, but there's really nothing much for u to study, and the topics are so boring, stuff that we've learned. I am reading up protein synthesis now, how exciting....yawn... Can't wait for sem 2, lol.
Was speaking with this other med guy, think it's quite nice here, if i actually specialise here and all that, would seriously be thinking about migration. It was never singapore that i really missed, just family and friends. And its kinda nicer here, better pay, working hours and environment, more personal space..... Maybe i could convince all of u all to join me here....
Had laksa for dinner today, amazing somthimes, the food i get here. This australian bloke, took the laksa without the soup, sometimes, people do baffle. He was looking at the mee and the meat, seriously contemplating when he finally realised it after looking around. Had seconds, was kept relatively full for the whole of the night.
Likely to be heading to the library to mug tomolo, on a lonely quiet saturday, away from the distractions in my messy little room. Sometimes, losing yourself amidst the books can be a pleasure.
Meanwhile, it's time for me to hit the soft pile of cotton .

Lol

Have to clarify stuff.
Firstly, i'm liking people.
Secondly, i'm in abit of self-denial, just abit.
Thirdly, i dun think about her, just that there is like a memory of a friend from another world.
And boon and i are ok again, after chatting to almost 0130....
Ha.

Wtf.......

Friend got pissed off at me quoting him and insisted on me removing them. Told him only so many of us will be reading this, and we were haggling over msn.
He then asked for my username and password, claiming he wanted to post something which i thought was justified. Told him not to alter my post. Next thing i knew, he did exactly what i told him not to, altering my posts, and he posted nothing. Friends for 8 years liao, still like that.
Over msn immediately after that, we kinda argued, he claims i was insensitive, all that crap. I was bitter, very. It was an ultimate act of betrayal, i placed my trust in him by giving him my username and password, i am wondering now, have i misplaced it? And before things could be clarified, he left msn in a huff. It was as though i was in the wrong.....
I wonder. Friends take shit from each other, i can take a bullet for anyone of u, at the end of the day i just need to know that it was worth it, that's all i'll ask of any of u.

How true....

Shocking relevations for people reading this....Feel quite open after talking to a close friend. We were talking about relationship and stuff, it kinda stirred up something in me, something that resonate in my subconscious. This is something i know to be true, for the guys out there. I am glad my friends confide so much in me, makes me feel abit guilty when they say i have not been telling my stuff to them, hence the reason for this post....

It's always sad to bring up the subject your first, be it a crush or a relationship. And the hurt and feelings it leaves behind, can it ever go? I know u can't forget, and it's not only for u i believe, everyone u have listed... I must admit, I am one of them too. Maybe it because of u guys and the people around me all having failed relationships and reacting so badly, combined with my first major crush and all that, I feel myself not being able to like someone with the same passion, same hopes as before. That's y up till now, i am still so passive, i dun like/love with as much fire as before, and i think that it's not fair, to be in a relationship with your heart totally totally whole. To me, if i can't give my heart away in one piece, i will never bring myself to try start one....

How true, how true, there's no need for u to tell me how much u remember, cause i am sure everyone knows... But then again, time heals all wound, you will never know what the future holds... Dun worry, i'm perfectly fine and 100% normal, just that his confessions kinda make me feel like typing out some stuff and maybe admitting to myself some of the self-denial that i have been indulging myself in. Maybe this could be a new start eh, for you, me or anyone out there.... (Suddenly feel like erasing this, but i guess it would be fairer to u guys to hear some bit of confessions from me i guess, no matter how insignificant it might be).

And ain't it also true that u find yourself not blaming that someone, but instead wishing them all the best, happiness...blah blah. Well, i couldn't agree more, it sounds gay, cliche, lame...whatever, but most importantly, i think it's fundamentally true....

Shall go on to my day, the less complicated stuff.
Had my first ride on the train here, it was so "from the movies", the many different platforms, the benches across the train track, the cold, the gloomy weather, the graffiti, the people in their suits, the old lady, the backdrop of small houses................ah....this is the life.....
Heard StefanieSun's "Yu Jian" ringtone on the train, and i started singing to it, it felt like i was in the movie Before Sunrise, and my soulmate was going to pop out and sit beside me any moment. Well, it didn't, and i had to leave the cosy and dirty cushioned seat which i was just getting attached to.
Lunch. Heard there was free bubble tea for Singapore Soc members. Me and Houston went and true enough, free bubble tea. Met a swimming senior and we sat down amidst 4 girls, undoubtabely seniors and i started to have my lunch. (Sandwich again, i'm going mad from it) And then the bombardment of comments about how young i look started again. And how i look like a kid with my hair messed up, scrunch up in one corner eating my sandwich. And if all that wasn't enough, my army stint was seriously doubted, along with my "swimmer" tag,(Not too sure i can swim...but..) , it was getting too hot to handle... So, i started to leave, lol, and it was very nice that they gave me 5 bubble teas to distribute to "your friends".
Bottom line, it pays to act cute sometimes. If u got it, flaunt it. =P <----So going to be killed for this!
Anyway, what goes around comes around. So i'll probably have to do some good deeds for the freebies i got today, or else it'll come back...lol...So when dinner came, i gave 2 of them away, and houston took 2....All's well that ends well. If only life was so simple eh. Heck, even the internet connection here is more complex to figure out.
And, it is never the end, just a new beginning....

Ole!

Chelsea's victory brought heart to me. I miss the thrill of cup soccer, especially watching the team u support play, and the match is a see-saw thriller. Damn, the adrenaline rush, the joy when a goal is scored, the nerve biting ending...be it you're needing a goal or holding on to a lead and the ecstasy at the final whistle. Sigh, i really miss it, alot, very much, tremendously.... Still knowing that they won has made my day, comparable to if the person in your heart smiles in your way. (Ok maybe exagerrated). But at least if got girls reading this then they can understand the warmness of the victory, the happiness, lol.
One thing great here, my passing shot at the singaporean guys, =P , the girls here are friendly. If u exclude my sister and mum, i have multiplied my conversations with the opposite sex a few hundred fold. It's interesting sometimes, the way they think. Pardon me for gushing like i've discovered a new game.
4 msn chats today, 3 started with how's school man. Lol. Nothing wrong =) Just an interesting observation.
Boon, love at first sight? It's amazing how I've stopped having crushes, they're nice and makes u feel so alive...Guess a part of the previous few still remains abit in me..........=P But then again, it happens, Boon do something la, its about time to, and act normal, no fidgeting, maintain eye contact, dun go on too strong, go hot and then cold and then hot.... (Advice from female, i'm passing on to you lol)
I must say, i worry the days of crushes are over, dun get me wrong, i am still liking girls, but i dun feel the ahhh "she's the one" anymore....
Lastly, i must say staying at IH is not too bad la, i have more people to talk to when i am walking around in uni, not the close friends type but at least there are more familiar faces in the crowd.
Sometimes i wonder, are we but a speck in infinity.( When u consider the universe and us) Oh no, i am going back into the I'm so small thesis again. Better stop.
Shall end off here, need to mug. =P
Last words: Go Chelsea!

Sian

Think i used up all my energy yesterday, switched back to low power again. Pretty much zombied through the day. Why can't we feel great everyday? Lol. Cause without days like these, how can other days be great. Give and take, everything was meant to be so.
Studying too hard, too fast. Putting pressure on myself too early i think, shall relak abit, and not be so tense. Later die from stress, lol.
Think my aim for now is to be an opthamalogist. For now, i emphasize. Who knows what the future holds anyway.
Must say, sian really sums up the day...
Zzzzz...

Pleasant....

Pleasant day today, one of those days when you feel how great life is.

Anyway, had 2 lectures today, by somoeone who rants on and on about stuff in a spitfire manner. Ok. Maybe i exaggerate a little... But i left the enzymes lecture having only picked up 1 thing, that the earth is 4600 million years old and life began 3600 million years ago. Suddenly i felt so small, very minute, almost non-existent. I was visualising my life fly by, yes even the future(which i made up) and thinking how that was just a mere fraction of time. I was shrinking away in my seat, everything seemed very....insignificant. 6 billion souls out there, breathing air and stepping on ground which is 4600 million years old, practically ancient.... what are we all doing anyway...

I think about the people who have lived, the people who have loved, people who have felt pain, the innocent and carefree children, the constant turmoil in the adult mind, people who are handicapped, blind, deaf.... And i started putting myself in everyone's shoes, "feeling" what it was like to be there.

I could actually imagine fairly well being blind, to live in a world of darkness, to "see"/know things in only in a descriptive manner. To know shapes and sizes, lines and contours, to live in a world entirely of your own imagination, where everything is exactly the way u believe it to be. It would be a fantasy world, but also a harsh world. It is a world where beauty exist, in a truely unaltered form, pure and divine but only in a so small space. It can be a dull world too, and sad at times, the word colour won't make sense, there will be so many things I cannot do, so many things i'd love to try but is unable to. I think blind people are really strong people and they inspire me in more ways then one, their attitude, their spirit, their strength.
Maybe one day i'll be an opthamalogist, maybe...it's stil....so not now.

And then it struck me, no matter who I "was", the only thing that i truely have with me are happy memories of events in this short life, with friends, family, loved ones, whatever.

Next thing i know, enzymes lecture was over......heck...who cares anyway, lol...

Had my first ever group studying in library today, wasn't all too bad, since i wasn't looking into the serious studying stuff and all. Can't really study very well in my room, with my laptop(aka blogger aka best friend) and the uncomfortable chair and desk and all. Shall make it a habit to study in the library every afternoon, would be much more productive that way.

Developed a new thesis about studying. Sometimes, i think studying with someone who is in your mind every so often is actually a good thing, cos in that way at least you are focused on what you are mugging and by knowing that person is nearby, she'll be out of your mind. Would love to try out my theory, then again timothy will probably tell me it works.

Finally i gave in to temptation and read my sister's blog. The link is only there for my friends anyway. Lol. *looks at boon* Interesting what she wrote about me today....
I quote,

"ok haha so the one in melbourne knows about my dark secret... haha i suppose there r lots of secret spies around..
haa nice of him to haf that much faith in mi.. but i guess he knows my character quite well also.. haha so...... no comments
haa but its funny sometimes
my brother usually finds out stuff abt mi thru his friends n in e past, i used to find out abt his secret thru his friends also.. hahaha i guess we dun realli tok abt such stuff...
BUT i cannot imagine my brother in a relationship..lol.he will juz keep pulling the gal's hair or like feed her wif food everyday.. haha...juz like i think he probably cant imagine mi in one either..lol
so go ahead n prove mi wrong=P"

Ok, here's my take, having a boyfriend is not a dark secret. Heck, I'm only remotely interested atm, maybe you can tell me who he is and all that, it's your life,your choice, not mine. Unless it's some jerk then i'd probably, i stress, probably remove him....with the help of boon, lol.
And you're right, i can't see myself in a relationship either, not because of the reason you put but because....i think i can't handle one properly. There you go....

Ultra long post today, took me half an hour to put up, to all the faithful subscribers and passer-bys out there.......haf fun!

Tata for now........

How time flies

Very weird day today, woke up thinking that today was gonna be a real dull sunday. Next thing i know, i am now rushing for time to print my notes before getting to bed. Dun really think i need the notes, but heck, kiasuism always win in the end. Amazing how i am managing to blog here, I'm like manually feeding in the paper so they will print on both sides. And this topclass thing is bugged and filled with errors, and i keep forgetting and click on the tiny x which-----arggh! Forget it, it's just....F#*ked...lol

It's amazing how dependent we can be on the internet, it was down from yesterday night to today evening, i felt so lost, couldn't check soccer result, couldn't get in touch with pp in singapore, couldn't blog, couldn't print my freaking useless notes....I was depressed....just a bit.... =P
I miss the old Jc days..... Where's my bio class rep!!!???? Lol....

Oh yeah, and to add to this ultra frustrating day, my mp3 player which i just bought doesn't work. Goodness, it was brand new and all that, how much worse can the day get?

Been a while since anyone typed anything on my tagboard, maybe i should put some controversial stuff in my posts so u guys will reply. After a chaotic weekend, i am glad that my blog has returned to a relatively stable state...Personally i like the new skin, the bear was a tad too....girlish la....hopefully this one will be able to go the distance...No time to inspect it preoperly, if there's anything wrong, pls leave a note on my tagboard...

For a change, i dun really have anything about life to rant about, this is what happens when the day gets busy i guess. But blogging is something i look forward to, so i'll probably post at least once a day.

One advice from the day,
Carpe diem!
Nitez.....

05 March's Entry

Life is like a can of butter cookies.
1.There are a few kind of cookies.
2.You know what cookies u want. (personally, i only like those with sugar coating, followed by the ones with swirls then the plain ones)
3.The cookies come layer by layer, you have to finsh one layer before u can get to the next.(Our lives are in many stages each filled with its own pleasant memories, then we move on)
4.There are only so much cookies.(well we all have to die some day)

I am showing withdrawal symptons from having no gaming in my life....
(Btw, i have eaten the sugar cookies all the way to the bottom =P )

We leave but footprints in the sands of time,
Sometimes i wonder why do we take things so hard,
why do we bother to fight so hard?
why do we bother to work so much?
why do we feel so deeply?
why do we love so strongly?

My favourite quote----what is meant to be is to be, ming zhong zu ding...(as zhiwei would know,lol)
Why bother with pretence, it is hard to live with oneself own expectations, why bother so much about others lol.

Let it go....Chill!
Lol, i think i'm a hermit.
i wanna, see the ends of our small world
i wanna, live somewhere in total tranquil
i wanna, be free of worries
i wanna, find someone to be with.....

More of my life philosophy, sounds kinda naive, but who knows, simple but elusive(very) dreams could yet be the noblest of goals.
You can say I'm a kid with childish beliefs? Whatever...For now i live life with these dreams, i don't just believe, i know.......
It's interesting what keeps me going eh?
The thought of a haven....

Cold day in melbourne today, was pretty nicely wraped up the whole day. had my first taste of rain here, short as it was, i must say, i miss the rain. =)
Shower on me, anytime...lol...Love the wetness, the smell...everything...about rain.... =)
Dunno y din manage to study much today, though i was in my room almost the whole day, stupid blogger lol. The internet connection has also gone dead for some reason, can't even print my notes for next week and mug beforehand. Argggh!
Oh yeah, and apparently my sis has gotten attached. Lol, boon seems to be taking it rather well though, i am surprised. For me, eh, dun really have any thoughts, it's unlikely to be someone i know atm, and she's not too young for a relationship too i guess. Sources from singapore say she is going bonkers though.....lol... All i can say is, good luck.....Oh yeah tim, the timing is about the same eh, wonder if you or her will be able to go the longer distance...
Psst..."Bet's on you tim....lol..."
=P
Poor me, addicited to blogging, has taken over warcraft and joined pinball on my list of favourite pastimes,
SIGH.....

Arggh

Think tagboard is down, or blogger is down, anyway my blog is kinda screwed at the moment, and that makes me a little pissed.
Morning, woke up wanting to study, and my poor blog page couldn't load, it felt like, my friend was sick or something, so i had to remedy it quickly. After going through blogskin, trying to crop pictures, staring at computer scripts for a whole day, i finally got something back up, then again, it looks kinda girlish, or kiddish. I think tagboard is down, so shoot me with any comments asap guys-if u can load the page... Still miss my old tagboard skin, not that it was very nice but i kinda got used to it.
Sigh. Oh yeah, and i even lost yesterday night's post....
Lol this is like a dumb dumb post, i am blogging and complaining about my problems with blogging. Needed to test out if it is working though. Haven't done any studying yet today, feel guilty.... and frustrated... will be back tonight though..with more to add...haha

Just so day...

Pretty hectic day today, had my first taste of practical lessons, boy was it long! For 4h, i was there in my lab coat and gloves, felt pretty weird. Only thought i had was that how much i miss those practical lessons back in Jc, be it chem where we never had time to finish and were always hurrying in and out, amidst the people helping each others to wash up, or the laid back bio pracs where we were spending half the time talking with each other and Miss Lee(Wads her name now? Mrs ? ) =P Or the hot and stuffy physics lab where Miss Gong would be spoon feeding us.
I guess pracs will never be fun again, sigh, i really miss those days..... When i finshed my prac today, i was looking around to see if anyone needed help in washing up, I felt awkward....walking around....it didn't look that they wanted help, or expected me to help.....it was so.....empty....the lab.....

Here's my daily dig on life here. Was complaining to houston, and he agrees, might sound abit nasty but sometimes i think international people who come here and study are the CMI one. I have to admit, if u come here and study arts??? commerce??? engineering??? Think about it, they must have been getting lousy grades back home or sth, and then back in their homeland, their friends would be speaking about them in this way-"oh xxx eh, couldn't make it here, too stress for him, went overseas to study" Lol, cynical? Maybe....just a bit of truth....no? I must admit, if we had gotten in medicine in singapore, we wouldn't be here. Well, i only know of 1 exception amongst all.... Guess it's not too bad, we din't like get bad grades and din make it or something....(self comfort).

Here's something i think IH isn't really good for... There are so many people here that probably ain't too study savvy. Muggers in short. Dun get me wrong, it's not a bunch of jerks and dumbass and bimbos here. But i think there are alot of them who could really do with a more serious attitude towards studying here. Maybe it's the army or something, i feel like i am gonna be studying with a vengeance.
*Evil Smile*

I feel like i am in ACS now, must be the flower in the shit, or else no hope liao. Eh no offence to william and roy and some nice acsians out there, i really feel that way. Heck, even the colours for IH are blue and yellow. Once a rafflesian, always a rafflesian, green black and white. Not that i like them in particular, but somehow its a little more identifiable.

Had a formal dinner today too, caught a very nice speech about life, thought it summed up things pretty nicely, in a way i could identify with i guess.....Then again, life can never really be so simple, well at least we can try.....

Am i not making sense already? Tired liao, must wake up early tomolo so take care everyone.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........................

Love

Love is like having your heart being squeezed, very very slowly and gently... Just so u feel only the gentlest of ache.... whenever u think about this other special someone. If u have never felt this before, u have never loved, only to have ever like or have a favourable impression.
When u love someone, u dun have to be with them all the time, and whatever they feel, U feel the same in u too....
Think today too tired, had my first 8am day, din really sleep enough and all that. Can feel my eyelids closing on me atm. By the way, discovered this really great sushi place in the uni today, relatively cheap too, got kinda high on that today.
To the guys, sometimes when u are here, u wonder why the asian girls are so "hiao". As houston and i will agree on---sometimes it seems like they are sucking up to the ang mohs. (Better not let any people here read this) Lol, i only fear we have all suddenly become our "favourite" chinese scholars from RI and RJ here. Nah just kiddin, it's not that bad........lol..........
I think its a gender thing, or singaporean thing, but there's nothing admirable about a girl being a social butterfly or anything,lol. But then again, as newly attached timothy would advice, in a serious manner, "You musn't restrict her, must respect her individuality and give her her own world, time and space....."
To me? love and be loved, and all will be fine..
I am still starting to think life has not quite sink in yet, everyday, my energy level is still high. life doesn't feel like it goes in monotanous patterns and circles yet, lol, that's how singaporeans are, complain about everything. Few months from now, u're likely to see a post saying i'm getting sick of life here,lol.
Oh yeah, i just realised that i still am adopting some of my Jc days habit, one of which is like when taking down notes in lecture, i still use e to represent the, a n on top for ing, all stuff not practiced for 2.5 years, but comes out without a thought. =)
Learned communication skills today, apparently it is a big thing here for doctors to be able to communicate effectively with patients. One wonders how far it can be taught, but well it was informative and enjoyable, we'll see how far it goes.
Tired will have more things to type, so must blog before u sleep...lol...Stuff just pours out, all the rubbish and irrelavant thoughts and all that.
Just one final thought, i think....for guys......we only have stress over 3 things , studies, women and money.
Lol. Enjoy, while you can.

Nothing really much....

Second day of school, immunization day, think i worried myself scared, in the end, i did pretty fine.-Din faint. This ang moh hunk and babe went in just in front of me and both were down on the floor by the time i went in... Btw they did skin test and blood test back to back....

Pretty slack still, but when mugging campbell today, suddenly feel very glad that i can still be studying them(the biology stuff i did for A's level) and be doing medicine. I suddenly had this sense of well being and felt that my life was kinda fulfiled. There you have it, the inner workings of a mugger.

Had this small medicine gathering today at IHouse, something struck me as pretty weird when i was talking to this plump guy. He asked if i played warcraft, and i kinda went on and on about stuff he never knew... And then i added that i do alot of computer games, sports and i study! I mean u look at him and its like most pp either do sports and study or they study and play games. Not that i am praising myself but here i am doing pretty well at all 3 places. Well, there's one thing in my life that i have neglected-a social life? Not sure if that's the correct term, but i guess i haven't seen the world out there much, or met enough people. Hell, i can't even start a proper conversation rolling. Well we'll see how it goes......

Tomolo got early lecture, really need to sleep liao, really sorry i can't blog more, i am liking this blogging stuff, lol, kinda like having a cyber mate who can't speak can't respond to reflect and pour your thoughts into.....

Well, Nitez.......