Update

haven't been updating much,
but this past 2 weeks have been good but tiring.
Lots of cooking, studying and laughing,
well, what else can one expect?

Muse

Ain't it just like that all the time?

Some things are priceless

Some things only happen once,
only at a particular time in life,
like my greenhorn driving skills,
if you all were there to experience it,
wells, it's something people whom i meet later in life
will never experience,
maybe even my wife next time,
but you guys would have tried it out before,
in a way,
the experience is priceless.

Was in NUS today,
was suddenly struck by this thought when i was witnessing
the crowd of people move by,
and i saw people i did not expect to meet,
that someone could be so near but miss you all the time,
and some people you will always happen to meet in a crowd of a thousand.
There's bound to be alot of people out there that i have missed
at every turn,
just like decisions and oppurtunities,
so many things that could have happened or changed,
but like the people i am never destined to meet,
perhaps these things are also destined to not happen,
and that's what make all the people that i have met special.

Some experiences are special,
some people are special,
every memory is precious,
arn't there days where you feel that no matter how hard you try,
there's so many things in your own life that you cannot control,
that you cannot change,
why not just let it be,
and let destiny map those special points in our life.

Some questions...to raise self awareness!

1. If u can choose to have flaws in a person, where do you want it to be??
Personality?
Character?
Physical appearance?
Mannerism?

2. Do you think it's bliss to be ignorant or a bliss to know more and think
of consequences?
E.g
Do you think it's good to be a child who can enjoy a large packet of fries
or will you rather be a adult that considers all the health risk before
he eats?
Which is better?

3. What does responsibility means to you?
A duty? A chore? A obligation? A heartfelt action? A liability?
Sensibilty and responsibility.....same or not the same?

4. Would you rather be sensible and irresponsible, or,
insensible and responsible.

5. Love more or be loved more?

6. Step or be stepped on?

7. What does being true means to you?
To be realistic and practical? or,
To hold on to your dreams?

8. Sacrifices.
Just another chance to gain points with someone or truely an act of greatness?

9. Has the world wronged you or have you wronged the world?

10. I am the centre of the universe.
My friend and family are the centre of the universe.
Someone else is the centre of the universe.
There is no centre of the universe.

11. Existence now.
Part of our journey before we return to God.
Part of the matrix.
We're just living, cause we're not dead.
I dun care.

How we feel about life is the mentality we adopt to live it,
chances are if life ain't a bed of roses,
most likely we've adopted the wrong mentailty.

Bad experiences don't stop people from doing stupid things,
time does.

One of these days

I'm in a just do it mood.
Don't ask me why,
i just doing all these things i've always wanted to do.

The interesting analogy... to a semi charmed life

Something they said in church today kinda affirm to me
that the first step to any kind of happiness, freedom
has to be the acceptance that life is inperfect.

Today the service was about a change of direction in your life,
us unwittingly falling to a dependence on dispair,
letting our inadequecy consume us,
allowing ourselves to focus on the failures and flaws,
surrounding ourself with bitterness, jealousy, lust,
about being withered,
physical inadequencies,
having someone wronged you and still unable to recover from
the consequences,
our brain giving us the concept we'll never whole,
a failure of life,
The list goes on and on,
and the message in the end was of course about how
God will complete us and make us whole again...

Beliefs aside,
it is safe to say,
that I've grown to accept that life will never ever be perfect,
and that's the way i will like it.
If we always seek to reach some form of perfection,
no matter in what aspect,
there's bound to be failures and setback.
Let's just say I'm jaded.
This does not equate to a lack of effort, hopes and trying,
but more....
a accpetance of..imperfection in life.
Perhaps that's the way it was always meant to be,
definetely that is the way we have to learn to accept it,
and maybe probably life will work out fine.

I mean what seems perfect,
probably will only last for the moment,
something else will come along,
a good in a different kind of way,
love is inperfect,
character is inperfect,
personality is inperfect,
physically we are inperfect,
events are inperfect,
one thing's for sure,
why be bothered by something that will happen,
focus on the good,

and we'll all have a semi-charmed life.

^_^

Perfect

Remember,

"Although no one's a saint,
no one should be a sinner as well."

Nothing might be perfect,
but a lack of perfection does not give a right to be wrong.

Everyone has a right to be wrong,
but not if they know better,
and with our level of thoughtfulness, maturity, sensitivty and understanding,
there really should not be too many 'wrongs.'

Something perfect,
can be something which is not entirely right,
but should never be something that is too wrong.

Why always like that

Like the show i watched,
to the guy,
the most important thing in life is to protect and take care of his wife,
and then to the girl,
the most important in life is her ideals/work that keeps her going.
Not that she din love her husband.
Then she died,
and the husband spent the rest of his life chasing her goals.
In the end,
it was like...he finally understood what is wife was fighting for,
but one comes to wonder,
did the wife ever bother to understand him and what he wants?
Like no.
The only thoughtfulness she had was to exclude him from everything
so that he would be 'safe'.
Din someone tell her the husband din mind dying for her as he eventually did?
Din someone tell her the husband would be much more happier to know evreything
from the start.
Din someone tell her,
keeping secrets from the person u love is never a good thing no matter
what the intentions might be?

There is nothing more hurtful than showing your lack of trust in your partner



Morale of the story:
Even though you love your wife and only want to protect her,
and that might be your number one priority in life,
chances are she will have some other goals in life that keep her going.
So you must understand her and give in to her,
cause guys are expected to be more understanding than girls,
even though she might not be as understanding to you,
it is something not expected of them.

Well, a man can never truely understand a woman, and a woman can never truely
understand a man.

Well said,
lets just leave everything at in between and stop asking for more,
and people should start having more faith in each other,
so the world would be a better place.

^_^

Is it true

That good people have sad stories to tell,
and bad people have nice stories to relate?
Good people make self sacrifices,
bad people takes things away from you,
I'm crazy to be defining good and bad.
Haha.

TOL

Has come to a relevation,
lets just say it's a lil sad...
It's about time i start sticking to
what i tell myself to do....
But then again,
self obligations can be so crippling.
End of the day,
only myself to blame.
Haha.

Reflections

Combination of a few things i did today has brought me down from
my wandering state of mind.
To come and realise that I've chosen the path of medicine,
and it's going to be a life of committments,
of responsibility,
of disicipline,
of hardship,
a life whereby I'll have little time for leisure,
a life whereby a simple act of dining out should be considered a luxury,
a life whereby I'll have little time to rest,
a life with stress,
a life with disease and illnesses,
a life away from enjoyment and relaxation,
a life in which we will spend less time with our friends and family
then our patients,
a life of self-sacrifices,
a life of little sleep.

I'm not going to have much more time where i can slack away into nothingness,
a life where i can afford 8 hours of sleep a day,
a life where i can shunt away from important decisions making,
a life where i can brood over the little things,
a life where i can watch movies and spill my tears and laughter on them,
a life where i can take a stroll in the park and breathe the fresh air,

Everyone becomes jaded,
it's going to be almost a final major tranisition in my life
over the following 2-3 years?
There's not going to be very much more years where i can spare
so much time 'malingering' , slacking, brooding, playing computer games,
i should be grateful now, cause once it's gone i will never be able to
get it back anymore....

Next few years are probably going to be the easiest to come,
before the real hectic life starts to begin,
friends,
was just thinking last night,
I've met just these selected bunch of you all,
everyone special,
everything precious,
I'm not going to be making alot of new people now,
it's a nice thought to think you're destined to meet all the people you've met
so far in your life,
and realtionship with everyone is always evolving,
and unique.
If time had rewound and everything was to happen again,
nothing i have now or nothing that i have lost,
would be any much different.
So i shd be thankful to have what i have right now.


So it is,
I've chosen what i can hardly say to be an easy life,
but it's my decision,
it's the path i have chosen,
to be a doctor,
and on top of discipline and hardwork,
a support network and appreciation of whatever i have
is gonna be real important.
Like the show i watched today,
where the doctor only started appreciating and missing his wife
after he lost her,
and before that it was just pushing back things until
tomorrow,
was just a very sad show,
in which if we do not appreciate,
we'll just spend our lives chasing the things we didn't do,
and trying to make up for it.

Think i have to grow use to the fact that,
some things are going to remain as dreams,
like how i might envision my life to be,
stealing away for a romantic dinner,
maybe a lovely stroll by the beach,
spending alot of time with my kids,
having my life partner to be exactly the way i magine her to be,
a lot of things are not going to be coming the way i expect,
i guess i will take whatever comes,
all the good and all the bad,
and try to squeeze more out of this life.

So for all the medical students out there,

take the brunt of the problems and setbacks we will face head on,

work hard and strive for responsibilty ,

care for our patients, but leave the best of it for the people we care for,

give support to everyone within your circle,

take some time off and smell the roses,

and lastly,

keep your smiles and chins up.

^_^

?

A broken string can never be rejoined,
but a hole can be patched up.

Guess what show?

" And years later they'll tell of how hey stood in the rain for hours just to get a glimpse of the person who taught them to hold on for just a second longer.
I believe there's a hero in all of us, keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to do what's right, even though sometimes we have to be steady and give up the things we want the most, even our dreams. "

"Am i not suppose to have what i want, what i need.
What am i suppose to do? "

An says:
u fly back, when u coming back
poei says:
i dunno
poei says:
maybe end of year
poei says:
or mid year
An says:
kk time flies man. no more gymming buddy soon
An says:
haha
An says:
watcha doing now?
poei says:
nth much
poei says:
haha
poei says:
yeah lor
poei says:
can't believe it's been so long too
An:
free to tok?
poei says:
erm yeah
poei says:
wad do u wanna talk abt?
poei says:

An says:
i juz read ur blog post
An says:
i was juz wondering is love about unconditional love....
poei says:
i dunno man
poei says:
i would think it is
poei says:
but i wud say
An:
then it wld b like cheeyong like tt... go after a ger
An says:
and not expect her to reciprocate
poei says:
yeah thats why i dun think it can be like that
poei says:
although it's suppose to be
poei says:
but i think... no pt waste your time and effort
poei says:
find someone who loves u back
poei says:
then u love unconditionally
poei says:
haha
poei says:
sigh
poei says:
haha
poei says:
i dunno, maybe when we're older, we will be more practical
poei says:
no such thing as self sacrifice
poei says:
but i must say, i oso will tend to be a lil like c yong
poei says:
CHeeyong
An says:
u noe tt's the idea haf in mind u noe.. after watching all those drama serials,,, but then when i grow older, i realise there's no such thing as love unconditionally ley... the ger wants this, u want tt.. then if u love unconditionally, or expect to love unconditionally, then no one takes a step back
poei says:
i mean that's always the debate wad
poei says:
do u want to find someone u love more? or someone who loves u more
poei says:
best will be both way, but ....seldom happens
An says:
of cos its the latter
An says:
i wld take the latter anytime
poei says:
but someone u wun like as much, you will get bored
poei says:
u will be less likely to accomodate
poei says:
you might nvr feel satisfied
poei says:
and we're talking lifelong
poei says:
not happy go lucky
An says:
if someone likes u, she will be nice to u, do all kind of things to make u happy rite... having someone like tt lifelong i dont mind man
poei says:
but say there's this someone u like more?
poei says:
humans are....forever wanting more man
poei says:
u get sth.... u will want more de
An says:
i think i oso like cheeyong... will go after a ger for darn long... but i think if u go after for 1 yr, 2 yr, mayb more, u get tired
poei says:
i suppose so
An says:
u take one step forward, she takes 2 steps back
poei says:
that's true oso la, see how you fare lor, everyone has diff life story
An says:
the distance nvr close
poei says:
i think one day we'll all find a compromise
An says:
u noe do u miss ur sec/jc days.. somehow i miss them noe
An says:
life in uni seemed very solitary
An says:
no more hanging out with u all... i make new frens no doubt, but the lvl of frenship nvr seem to replace tt estb in sec/jc
poei says:
i understand what u mean
An says:
i feel very alone
poei says:
i think as we grow up, it's more solitary form of life le
poei says:
most of us prob feel, we've already got our group of khakis
poei says:
quite sad la
poei says:
but i guess, next time when we're adults... life's prob gonna be quite solo le
poei says:
u have your own family... u wun mix out
poei says:
now's just the transition
An says:
having ur own family different mah
An says:
u haf ur wife, ur kids
An says:
how can tt b alone
An says:
someone u love
poei says:
i mean.... it's the transition to being independent
poei says:
pp dun wannt rely on others so much
poei says:
it's like sad la... but i think it's part of the growing up process
poei says:
nth we can do
An says:
yeah. but then sometimes i think it may juz b me... not really toking much... i see some pple like frens a lot a lot...
An says:
say, tt
An says:
tt's ur hamster arh
poei says:
haiYa, i think no one can have so many close frens de
poei says:
friendly is diff thing]
An says:
true true
poei says:
u know... haihz, life passes by so fast
poei says:
i guess the fun years are over
An says:
i guess so
poei says:
wellz
poei says:
we can only move forward right?
An says:
no way i cld stop it
An says:
when u haf troubles, who wld u turn to
poei says:
me?
poei says:
self purge
An says:
meaning bottle it up?
poei says:
i solo de
poei says:
yeah
poei says:
i mean not all the time la
poei says:
but generally
poei says:
i realise i self purge
An says:
dun u feel horrible. i feel horrible bottling things up
poei says:
but sometimes you dun feel anyone can help you
An says:
haha how u self purge? u bottle it up, u think of it more and more.. the sadder u get
poei says:
i dunno, try to get over it, think through it
poei says:
rationalise
poei says:
move on
An says:
i think u r a more rational person than i am... i think i am more a feeler than a thinker
Ansays:
my emotions and logic seem to work in different paths
poei says:
i think yeah i rationalise and present myself with the options, i have troubles moving on too,
poei says:
but i guess if sth is inevitable i dun try to stop it
poei says:
there's no fighting the facts
poei says:
there's no use in denial or self delusion or hoping against hope
poei says:
i feel, the best thing we can do for ourselves is to make your future better
poei says:
the past... nth can be done
An says:
but acceptance gives sadness.... n sadness colors everything dull
An says:
u juz dun feel like doing anything else
An says:
but brood over it
poei says:
that's so true, life has taken a certain toll on me... i guess, everything just gets duller over the years
An says:
when u study, does ur mind wander arh...
poei says:
of course, =( , i think i study at 50% efficiency
An says:
when i sit down study, all the sad things floods my mind
poei says:
i'm day dreaming half the time
An says:
then fuk. sit down 1 hr, study 1 sentence
poei says:
hahaz, yeah man, must have self discipline... and self pruge
An says:
then if i happy, oso same. sit down think of happy things, study 1 hr 1 sentence
poei says:
i mean, whether it really works out is another thing
An says:
study v easy day dream
poei says:
i guess everyone has alot of emotional baggage, everyone has a certain degree of jadeness,
An says:
tt's y i admire boon can sit down study really study and remember
poei says:
yeah, somtimes dun u just wish u could remove all the bad memories
poei says:
but hahaz, i've grown to accept it la, life's abt finding pockets of happiness in a sea of dull
An says:
ur bad memories, do they mostly concern relationships?
poei says:
life's about appreciating the bonds with pp ard you, life's about finding some kind of peace within from the chaos outside
poei says:
, let me think bout that
poei says:
bad memories can be anything... but i guess r/s related ones are the ones that makes you sad
An says:
so watever tt can make u sad is only other pple ya?
poei says:
, wad do u mean?
poei says:
sometimes i feel sad when i think of a possible future, u know, can be anything in general
poei says:
or like if people disappear from your life
poei says:
or like if you can't do some things anymore
poei says:
you know, it does get pretty lonely in melb sths
poei says:
life can become depressing sometimes
An says:
i can't really stand loneliness noe
An says:
sometimes i play wc to past time
An says:
watch movies
An says:
but then after the game is over, show is done, it's back to the same emptiness again
poei says:
i know, can u imagine... there's nothing to do over there
poei says:
it's a vast emptiness both inside and outside
An says:
find other singaporeans lor. they all oso feel empty
An says:
so sparks fly faster
poei says:
it's not a big problem la to me, i mean loneliness is alright... but sths u just wish there was more colour in life
poei says:
i mean, sadness is... just another emotion, life's pretty much abt combating sadness and fighting happiness
poei says:
we've been doing it all our lives
poei says:
i can take it de la
An says:
haha, y fight happiness. accept happiness better
poei says:
finding i mean, not fighting
An says:
u noe, in psychiatry, there's a condition called dysthymia
An says:
meaning a low grade chronic sadness lasting for more than 2 yrs
An says:
like a chronic depression of sort
poei says:
what's that
An says:
but less severe
poei says:
i think i have it then... haha any cure?
An says:
i always think i haf it
An says:
how
An says:
haha
poei says:
one day we'll find out
An says:
cure= visit psychiatrist
An says:
or take anti-depressants
An says:
haha
poei says:
i'll be your psychiatrist
An says:
lol
An says:
i always wonder who cures the psych
poei says:
k la, alot of people can find things in life to turn to de, like religon, friends... anything
An says:
i think religion is a form of escape mech ley
An says:
a form of belief so tt u wont b too harp up on sth
poei says:
it's good to be able to find solace.....
An says:
like u want this, but dun get it
An says:
then u believe tt it's all part of god's plan
An says:
then u feel slightly better
poei says:
i know what u mean
An says:
a form of delusion huh
poei says:
but i must say, solace is something everyone yearns for
poei says:
however means... religon, friends.... it's good to find it
poei says:
u know, sths i feel sad for my friends who might be treated badly
poei says:
like u wish there was sth u can do to help them
poei says:
it's like..... you just wanna eliminate sadness sometimes
An says:
yeah
An says:
every mmt i feel sad, i think its killing my brain cells
An says:
u juz not focus on ur tasks anymore ley
An says:
it really affects my daily functioning noe
poei says:
yeah i know
poei says:
you know, like cy, i act feel a bit sad for him
poei says:
sths marriage oso scares me
poei says:
pp are so blinded by emotions
An says:
haha it's like how pple in love will oso b blind to each others faults
poei says:
like i see my mum sths like oppressed like that
An says:
until the emotion fades then the differences start coming in
poei says:
like damn sad.... like especially worrying for female friends
poei says:
yeah
poei says:
love IS blind
poei says:
i really like this quote on tammy's blog
An says:
haha, shld say "like" is blind
An says:
u like someone then everything abt her is gd
An says:
wats the qutoe
poei says:
Don't you understand that everything I do, I do it for you?
Anything that might be special in me, is you.

poei says:
Don't you understand that everything I do, I do it for you?
Anything that might be special in me, is you.
An says:
http://www.intellectualwhores.com/
An says:
this is the ladder theory
poei says:
i see, i guess it's kinda true la, the ladder thing

Well said

"I think therefore I am."
Words are the sweetest,
but there're nice only to believe
and sometimes the transition to action does not quite happen.
Promises are beautiful,
only when they are kept,
and when you get to experience them.
And then at the end of the day,
life has an uncanny ability to bring you down to earth,
or make you...
look for more.